Happy Birthday Nanny!! <3 xxx

Nanny knew I was there with her every step of the way.

I am dedicating this post to my Nanny, Doris. Sadly she passed away 8 months ago. This week on Thursday 19th July, it would be her 93rd birthday and I miss her very much, everyday.


We were always very close and I loved her dearly. Nanny gave up everything for my Mum after my Grandfather died when Mum was only 9 years old. She became a single mother and held down two jobs doing everything she could to look after her daughter. I have always been so proud of her for doing this but never liked to hear stories of her suffering. I couldn't bear to see her ill especially during her final days. She didn't deserve to suffer in this horrible way. But I knew that soon she was going to a better place, to be with her husband, daughter and Saviour. 


I loved spending time with Nanny, I always felt safe with her, I knew she would do anything for me and would always be there for me. She taught me so much especially about her faith and influenced me a lot. I remember when she couldn't come to church any more due to her not being able to walk after her first stroke, I felt a huge chunk of me missing during those Sunday services. That was what Mum and I did, every Sunday we would go and pick Nanny up from her flat in the Bouet and take her to church. Now that was over, and it broke my heart that she could no longer come and worship in her home church which meant so much to her. During that first Easter service which she could not attend I was asked to read a prayer. I did it wholeheartedly for Nanny, I wouldn't have been brave enough to do it otherwise. I was very nervous and emotional too because she could not be there to hear her granddaughter speak at the front of church. But I know she was proud of me, even if she could not comprehend what was going on. 


While at her last nursing home, just across the road from our house, I gradually began to pick up the things that Mum and the nurses would do for her, to look after her. I knew when she was stressed, upset, wanted a drink or her hankie. I began to get to grips with doing more and more for her, this was obviously meant to be as when Mum got ill I took on the role of her and began to do the things she did, making sure everything was perfect for Nanny. After Mum died I threw myself into looking after Nanny, it was my job to protect her now. Then she got ill too, I really started to be angry with both God and myself. It was a hard few months and still is very difficult to thing about, I blame myself a lot of the time, even though I know it was never my fault and I could not have done anything about it. But I know that Nanny is peaceful and resting in the loving arms of her Saviour. 


Nanny's favourite hymn is "Blessed Assurance". It was played at both hers and Mums funeral and every time I hear it, it brings tears to my eyes, I just love the words and always think of Nanny.


Here are the lyrics:

1. "Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
   Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!
   Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
   Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.
   • This is my story, this is my song,
     Praising my Savior all the day long;
     This is my story, this is my song,
     Praising my Savior all the day long.
2. Perfect submission, perfect delight,
   Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
   Angels, descending, bring from above
   Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.
3. Perfect submission, all is at rest,
   I in my Savior am happy and blest,
   Watching and waiting, looking above,
   Filled with His goodness, lost in His love."

My favourite verse has to be the last one, speaking of finally being at rest in Jesus, and "lost in His love". Such powerful words that make me tearful every time I read them. I know that Nanny, Mum and my Grandfather are all watching me now and are proud of me, I just wish they were here with me.... But one day I'll see them again!

Happy Birthday Nanny!!! I love you lots!!!

<3 xxx