So yeah, last night was awful, I just could not sleep, I struggled for hours to sort through my thoughts, to try and think of nothing stressful but I couldn't. All I was thinking about was mum, nanny, other people, problems, worries and anxieties. Nothing I did could push the thoughts from my head, it was horrible, I felt like I was being attacked and I probably was.
My major worry is that I'll sink back into my depression, just when I was coming out of it, I feel as if I am. I really am not keen on going back to therapy... It just all feels too much sometimes, I feel overwhelmed, like I'm just going round in circles...
I found this great summary, (taken from here) of what Jesus might say to us when we are overwhelmed:
Situation: Jesus, there are so many demands on me. My family, job, finances, relationships, and on and on. Sometimes it seems I'm going around in circles and not getting anywhere. How can I stop feeling so overwhelmed?
Jesus says: I'm so glad you came to me. Here, sit down; let's rest a little bit. You can do it. I know it's hard to stop moving and thinking of all the things you need to do, but give it a try. Take some deep breaths and let's just talk. Tell me, what is your true desire? What do you want your life to be? No. I don't mean a bigger house or more money. What is it? Take some time, if you want. Or maybe it will come quickly. It will probably come from the deepest part of you. My child, I believe what you really want is to feel loved and to give love. Am I right? Think about it. Is it to have a purpose in life? Be careful not to let your ego come into the reflection. The ego is a tricky little guy. If your desire is to somehow feel important (which is a need all humans have), I invite you to go deeper. I think you also will find that somewhere in your deepest part you want me. After all, I am your Home. I am your Creator. So, how does this relate to your question? Once you find out what you truly desire, you can focus on just those things. This will take much time and prayer. I have spiritual advisors who can help; there is no shame in getting professional help. This is just the first step. Remember, my child, you can always rest in me when you feel overwhelmed and I will hold you for awhile.
Activity: Follow the suggestions in the Jesus Says segment. You might be surprised what you really want. Spend some time figuring out why you are feeling so overwhelmed, and if you need some support, by all means follow up on that. Praying can be a huge help. Use whatever form is helpful for you, but connecting with Jesus and knowing he will help you carry your cross can make a difference in your life.
My favourite part of this is where Jesus says that He is our Home, it's just a great comfort. He is where we can go when we feel weary, drained and overwhelmed. We can breathe and recharge, ready to get back up and fight another day.
So yes, last night I felt really bad, I thought I was going crazy, but today I got up, and even though I was tired, I got a lot of work done, I could have stayed in bed, I wanted to! But no I got up and moved on to the next thing... I'm hoping I'll sleep tonight but if not, I can't dwell on it...
God Bless
xx
